The secret to long life

As a card-carrying Pastafarian, I am eternally blessed and let the Noodly One handle little details like my eternal salvation, the future of the human race, and navel lint.  Still, it’s always a small joy to see one’s lifelong pursuit vindicated in the kangaroo court known as science.  Of course I’m talking about tinfoil hats.

Finally you can toss your Bluetooth.  Kill those Sedoku and crossword puzzles you keep working on.  It’s time to go old school.  Pass ‘Go’ and talk directly into your cell phone.  You remember how you used to do it a few years ago.  There is wonderful news.  While the phone may give you cancer (it doesn’t, that’s unproven at this time), it also fights and even reverses Alzheimer’s.  So pick your poison.  You no longer have to resort to brain games and that especially nasty habit of reading to keep your mind active to prevent your impending date with senility.   That’s the surprising news from this research.  At least for mentally challenged mice.

As for me, I’ve always conveniently stored my phone in my hat.  No, I mean this hat.   So I’m good.  I hear voices AND I’m fighting old age.  But thanks for asking.


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