Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Compensation theory

No, this is not an article on the repeated attacks on my manhood by my critics, my sweetie, and that cute blonde at Starbucks 30 years my junior who hasn’t even seen my Beemer yet.

The media and pop culture like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus lionize the differences between sexes. It’s pablum for both the self-involved Me Generation and the unevolved Lost Generation that wants a return to the good old days of homogeneity like the good ol’ 1950s (BC?).  We all want to be special. If we can’t celebrate that we’re better, whether real or fictional, by virtue of sports team, city, country, skin color, religion, or sexual preference, there always is gender.

For decades medical research has highlighted those differences from genetics to hormones to neuroanatomy to individual and group psychology.  We’re all conceived as women in the womb until the Y chromosome for some kickstarts that nasty testosterone. Guys have larger parts of the brain for spatial reasoning, whereas gals have more for language. Etc.

Like most things in life, what we know merely serves to frame what we don’t know. Some sex differences are necessary for propagation of the species. But what about the rest? Are they cause or effect, and more importantly why?

Fascinating medical research suggests that many gender anomalies evolved not but to make the genders different, but to make them similar, to compensate for sex biology.  Researcher Geert de Vries first made this connection studying the brains of prairie voles. He found the males were devoted parents, just like the females, but had many more receptors for vasopressin, the pair bonding hormone.  The females naturally secreted more vasopressin during pregnancy.  The males didn’t have this advantage.  They compensated with more receptors.

So perhaps the gender differences codified by culture have been all wrong.

Ladies, you think you’re so smart with all your talking. It’s natural with those highly evolved language centers in your beautiful brains. You wonder why us guys have so little to say. Well, our manly secret is now out. You see, we’ve heard it all. We worked it out somewhere around age 5 when our GI Joes began massacring your Barbies. All your chitchat and stories and gossip are just not important. At all. Really. … Hulk smash. That’s all there is. No need to say more. Once your brain finishes compensating and catches up you’ll understand too.

Be as cranky as you want to be

This artificial America of high self esteem, low performance, and religious pomposity  places a premium on proper attitude. Our lives and our health are the result of fate and a divine force if good and self-indulgence and neglect if not. Well, turns out your cells and bugs really don’t care what you believe or think in A Fighting Spirit Won’t Save Your Life.

So be as cranky as you want to be, whether you’re healthy, sick, or even dying.  But it’s still always a good idea to be fit, eat right, and call your mother at least once a week.

Stupid users TNG

Ignorant technology consumers have always been a source of great frustration – and amusement – for those on the other side of the fence.   The genre takes a leap forward with the video ‘iPhone4 vs HTC Evo‘.

It’s the funniest video I’ve seen in years.  So good  I laughed, cried, and then had trouble breathing.  Or maybe that was my asthma.

The producer is Brian Maupin, a Best Buy employee who sells mobile phones.  His reward – likely getting fired.

PS – For you non-Trekkies TNG is The Next Generation.

The secret to long life

As a card-carrying Pastafarian, I am eternally blessed and let the Noodly One handle little details like my eternal salvation, the future of the human race, and navel lint.  Still, it’s always a small joy to see one’s lifelong pursuit vindicated in the kangaroo court known as science.  Of course I’m talking about tinfoil hats.

Finally you can toss your Bluetooth.  Kill those Sedoku and crossword puzzles you keep working on.  It’s time to go old school.  Pass ‘Go’ and talk directly into your cell phone.  You remember how you used to do it a few years ago.  There is wonderful news.  While the phone may give you cancer (it doesn’t, that’s unproven at this time), it also fights and even reverses Alzheimer’s.  So pick your poison.  You no longer have to resort to brain games and that especially nasty habit of reading to keep your mind active to prevent your impending date with senility.   That’s the surprising news from this research.  At least for mentally challenged mice.

As for me, I’ve always conveniently stored my phone in my hat.  No, I mean this hat.   So I’m good.  I hear voices AND I’m fighting old age.  But thanks for asking.


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